This is Nathan's second week in school (fourth day) and he seems to be doing well! He likes it and walks right in to the "tweens room." Miss Miranda, his teacher, said he is very polite and agreeable, to which I responded, "Wait until he gets comfortable!" He does have trouble sharing his toys, thinking that once he gets something, it is his. He also picks the heaviest toy in the room during clean up, moves it a short distance (with grunting) and he is done! He sleeps on his mat, sometimes for over two hours! If he wakes up before the other kids, Miss Miranda asks him to stay laying down and he does!! School seems to be good for him and us. It kind of forces us to treat him more like a big boy. As his teacher said, he understands everything. He is the oldest in his class by a couple months, but of course is the smallest. If he were in the next room up, he would be trampled. I tend to be a bit soft on Nathan, so having him be in school reminds me that he is capable of doing things for himself.
On to the weight. I weighed Nathan yesterday and he weighed 19 pounds 3 ounces-that is 3 ounces since 8/21/07 which is encouraging! The chocolate covered donuts dipped in heavy cream might be paying off!! At least it gives us motivation to keep trying because it is challenging giving him high fat foods, limiting Libby's sugar intake and keeping our own diet low fat. Yesterday at Chick Fil A he wanted chocolate milk just like Libby, but unfortunately challenging when the rest of the world is fighting obesity in children and we are trying to make our kid fat!! Anyway, lots of encouraging news and hopefully more to come!
9.20.2007
9.08.2007
We just got back from vacation and Nathan seemed to have a great time at the beach. He enjoyed following the bigger kids with whom we were vacationing! Prior to vacation he had is 2 year check up and his GI appt. The GI dr once again put off doing a feeding tube because Nathan's bloodwork came back fine. He would like us to count calories to ensure that Nathan is getting at least 900 calories daily (which he seems to be). Dr. Kelly (GI) would like to refer Nathan to a endocronoloist in the near future-something I am anxious to do.
I am not doing so well. I guess all that time on vacation to think is not good for me. It will be a year on Tuesday that we first heard of Progeria and we were told that Nathan most definitely has some kind of genetic disorder..and still no solid information. I feel hopeless. Two years since he was born 7 weeks premature and five years since we found out we had a less than 5% chance of having a biological child. So five years of ups and downs and this last year has been absolute hell. I just cannot accept that my son is not going to be normal. I know that life is hard, but this seems ridiculous. During those times when I forget about his appearance and we are just a family with two kids, I am very happy. But his fingers, veins and thin blotchy skin are constant reminders. When I get depressed then I wonder why I can't be a happy person. But I have to remind myself that my being depressed is circumstancial. During my pregancy and when Nathan was a couple of months old, I was happy. All of the infertility, stress of adoption and premature delivery...none of that mattered. I wrote in a family letter that I finally felt content, that I had everything I ever wanted! Now, I have to accept that I will never have a full-term pregnancy and never have the chance to have another baby when we don't even know what Nathan has yet. He is two years old and still no information!!! Just a lot of dead ends. I cannot accept that this is not going to go away. I cannot accept that God is not going to fix this for us. But I guess I have to. I cannot check-out emotionally. I lost that option when I decided to have children. The alternative is to keep trudging along, but sometimes I get so tired of putting one foot in front of the other. Where is God and why can't he reach out and pick me up? Why can't he make me whole again? Every day that goes by with me feeling like this, my life flys and Libby, Mark and Nathan suffer a little more.
I am not doing so well. I guess all that time on vacation to think is not good for me. It will be a year on Tuesday that we first heard of Progeria and we were told that Nathan most definitely has some kind of genetic disorder..and still no solid information. I feel hopeless. Two years since he was born 7 weeks premature and five years since we found out we had a less than 5% chance of having a biological child. So five years of ups and downs and this last year has been absolute hell. I just cannot accept that my son is not going to be normal. I know that life is hard, but this seems ridiculous. During those times when I forget about his appearance and we are just a family with two kids, I am very happy. But his fingers, veins and thin blotchy skin are constant reminders. When I get depressed then I wonder why I can't be a happy person. But I have to remind myself that my being depressed is circumstancial. During my pregancy and when Nathan was a couple of months old, I was happy. All of the infertility, stress of adoption and premature delivery...none of that mattered. I wrote in a family letter that I finally felt content, that I had everything I ever wanted! Now, I have to accept that I will never have a full-term pregnancy and never have the chance to have another baby when we don't even know what Nathan has yet. He is two years old and still no information!!! Just a lot of dead ends. I cannot accept that this is not going to go away. I cannot accept that God is not going to fix this for us. But I guess I have to. I cannot check-out emotionally. I lost that option when I decided to have children. The alternative is to keep trudging along, but sometimes I get so tired of putting one foot in front of the other. Where is God and why can't he reach out and pick me up? Why can't he make me whole again? Every day that goes by with me feeling like this, my life flys and Libby, Mark and Nathan suffer a little more.
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